Blame it on literature

It is literature
Which shapes leaders
Good and bad
Eloquent tongues
Deceiving gestures
Convinced?
Confused?
Cheated!!!

*Reaction to politicians turn poets and vice versa. My reaction towards Prof. Dr. Nor Faridah's plenary session during MICOLLAC 2012 - 11/7/2012

Reporting for duty

Sprawled horizontally
Unable to move
Restrained impulsive moans
Not of ecstacy
Legs quivered
Hands shivered
Body ached
Brain drained
Nine months passed and not a single day regretted...

*Exhausted night on my first day reporting for duty on 2/7/2012

Bimasakti Menari** / The Dancing Milky Way

Dancing they were
Amongst the berembang tree
Cold charcoaled night
Arms stretched, palms opened
Ticklish endevours
Giggling immatures
Both kids and atoks
Trouble forgotten
Tie tightened
Love strengthened
Keep on dancing
Twinkling bugs amused

*A night out with kids and their grandparents at Kampung Kuantan Firelfies Sanctuary, March 2012. Do support the preservation of these amazingly beautiful God given creatures by donating to the sanctuary. Bimasakti Menari is a Malay connotation coined to describe the fireflies dancing against the blackest of night, roughly translated as The Dancing Milky Way.

**A Malay novel of the same name by Sri Rahayu Mohd Yusop

Is it worth the fight???

OMG!!! Don't tell me, we are now fighting because of KFC!!! Enough that we honked when people hogged the road.  Enough that we double-parked at roadside.  Enough that we cut the queue without apologizing.  Enough that we sat pretending to be dumb and numb in the public transport while a pregnant woman literally huffing and puffing down our neck.  Enough that we answered the phone so very loud that even 2 blocks away can hear us. Enough that we stopped at accident venue to help collect the 'durian runtuh'. Enough that we put everything in our plate at buffet table but left to waste with 50% of the food untouched.  Why did I use we instead of you? We are talking about us, ONE us.  Not only the Malaysian us. Despite race, religion, sex, philosophy...this is us. And please explain to me, why oh why must we fight because of KFC???

* This is actually an old post as a response to a harmless squabble between KFC staff and customer at one of outlets.  Google it and you might find the video on youtube

Maidless Encounter

Super duper mummy
But not super duper dummy

I do cook
Various dishes
Each day
Recipes from different
Continent
Ethnicity
Kitchen
Old town breakfast
Beriyani lunch
Tepi jalan nasi lemak
You name it
Ordered, paid, savoured

I do clean
Various parts
Each level
Nook and corners
Under and top
No furniture unturned
So hubby
Tell me again,
When exactly,
The time to be preccise
Your mum  is coming

*After answering too many questions on how I cope - 11/07/2012

The American Scholar

It was the American Scholar
Who guided me out
Of the sparse concrete jungle

I am saved
From braving the long lonely journey
On the road less travelled

What's so "Putra" about it?
Maybe
Only the scholar has the answer

*Finding my way out of the scattered precincts in Putra "no so jaya" - 10/7/2012

Clever vs Stupid

Please don't make me sound
Clever
I prefer to be
Stupid
Rather than be known
Clever
I learnt best if I am
Stupid

*Lost among scholars during MICOLLAC 2012 - 10/7/2012

Errors Corrected!!!

And so I came, I saw and I laughed (barely???).  It's a comedy, wasn't it?  Laughter should be in the air.  Not sure of the production's reason/s for choosing this play out of the 30+ of the bard's works but I sort of figure out one reason.  It is his shortest farcical comedy, with numerous potential for slapstick jokes, intertwined with confusing identities (2 sets of twins on the same island).  Okay, maybe two reasons.  It happens within 24 hours (strict observation of the classical unities).  Conflict introduced, heightened and resolved in 1 day.  Unlike most Renaissance comedy, there's no grand wedding in the end. 

Simple and attractive

I am actually excited when I saw the invite to this staging, done by students from the faculty as stated in the brochure. I rambled on and on to my "plus one" that night of the play's potential, just to get her equally excited and interested.  Why shouldn't I be excited? It's Shakespeare. That's why. And what better way to start my first official review of a play other than a Shakespeare's play? As you can guess, I am overwhelmingly "teruja" (a Malay word which was overly used nowadays). And what is the verdict?

I'll start with the good points (Does this mean there's something bad as well? Keep on reading). I simply love the simple geometrical props. They are mobile, with wheels so that one shape could be transformed to numerous settings/items. A bit noisy but that is easily pardoned. Even IB has difficulty to rectify this.  And I simply LOOVEEE the costume. The idea to come up with costumes which are devoid of any specific culture and race is indeed a brilliant move. Of course, the usage of batik hinted of a certain cultural practice but it is still excellent.The segregation is only noticeable in gender. Female characters donned quite an elaborate attire, which is perfectly alright. The cheeky trick to wear mask on each other forehead instead of the face could either heighten/lessen its sole purpose (in accordance to Greek's culture).   Greek actors wore mask as a way to enhance the actor's facial expression in a play. With its massive stage and outrageous number of audience, mask wearing is an ideal solution for the Greeks. But to wear it on one's forehead??? I am sure Sophocles is turning furiously in his grave during the show. Another thing is that I have to explain to my "plus one" is the constant appearance of signage, attached to each actor's costume. You don't get it, don't you? If I could simply explain - ok, imagine this! Every actor has to raise, say an exclamation mark sign to stress excitement. If one is puzzled, a question mark sign will be raised. At one point, everyone is raising quite a handful of signage and we suddenly lost track of the story. We are practically laughing at the confused signage-raising moment (maybe that's intentional???)

Now let's talk about the acting. Or should I write anything at all about this? I won't cover everything here. I have to be sympathetic to the fact that not every one can act. But there's one important thing needed to be highlighted here. Shakespeare is sooo veryyy good with his soliloquies.  This particular dramatic nuance in his plays is one of the reasons he is labelled the GENIUS. To ignore the dramatic height in his soliloquies is the ultimate crime in any production. It has to be delivered with such passion and confidence so that the audience could totally relate to every word in it. Just read Hamlet's "To be or not to be". You'll be drawn to its intensity of questioning life over death with every single word in it. But sadly this production tend to forget that. Soliloquies were knackered and hammered as if the actors have no choice but to utter every word the way they have memorized it. What's the rush? The play runs for more than 2 hours... Of course not all is bad. The big fat cook's brief existence is remembered well. And you can never go wrong with a transvestite character. Put one in and the audience will totally ignore the bumps in the play.

So have I done justice to this first review? Let me just say this. I am totally impressed with the production's bold choice in staging a Shakespeare's play. Even I faced quite a resistance every time I asked my students to stage his plays. Kudos to to every crew and actor for this courageous effort. If you have managed to pull me out from my home on a Saturday night, leaving my kids at home to fend for themselves, consider your production a SUCCESS!!

So I'm a Tiger Mum...

Credit to my yours truly for buying me this (or is he trying to say something?)

Read reviews of Chua's book late last year.  The hoo-has was quite shocking.  The writer herself was not apologetic at all with what she has revealed, according to the review.  Am aware of Chinese way in raising kids but up to this point never really gave serious thought about it.  Began to take notice of this probably culturally-induced take in raising kid while accompanying my eldest to his chess competition in March this year.  Imagine seeing these parents who watched their kids like hawks, their foreheads wrinkled upon seeing the poor soul stuck in their move and would not hesitate to shout, pinch and reprimand the innocent child for not winning the round.  Thought about being extremely kiasu...and quietly grateful that I'm NOT like that.  But Chua's book proved me wrong.  Somehow without realizing (or maybe we are too scared to realize) I do behave in such a way which qualifies me as a Tiger Mum.  I wont' go in details here (it will require another posting for this sole purpose) but Chua's drive to be in charge is even extended to the Somayeds in the house and that part is indeed hilarious.  Mind you not everything in the book is funny.  For those not used to this extreme parenting style, prepare to be shocked!!!  So despite what negative comments bestowed upon this book, I congratulated Chua for being rightfully honest with hints of sarcasm in her work.  Will start looking for more book like this... So, not a bad choice for my reading list this year, right? Actually started with the Kinsella's collection but ...

My precious...

Am in the midst of capturing/compiling precious moments of these two.  Pictures are random but all must have both of them. Will try to search for pre-2008. Don't know why but suddenly touched to see how they have grown.  So this post chronicles their time together. Less words, more pictures (on the way).  With no specific motif, venues, setting, behaviour...just pictures of them in their 'moments' (according to my definition)

Something else caught her attention

Sweating moments...

My style is better

The hands...

Fireworks and all that stuff

Owwwhhh...rare kodak/nikon moment

Bed surfing

Trying to be 'casual'...

Casual???

Tired faces...

Princess in da house!!!

My princess in one of those 'rare feminine' moments

"I would like to have a baby sister, Dr. I pity my mum because she has no girl in the house to play with.  There are already two boys in the house." This was the answer offered by my precious boy seven years ago when the doctor asked whether he wanted a baby sister or brother.  Partly because God truly wants us to be blessed with a princess and partly because of the brother's sincere wish for mum not to be alone, we are indeed grateful with her arrival.  So this is dedicated to my cheeky princess...Ayu Batrisyia Zamzuri

The journey

Where I sat when I temporarily lost the drive to write...

Where I chilled out after meeting the mentor...

Where I walked after being cooped up in the library since morning...

Where I hang out alone when I needed to be inspired...

Where I window shopped in order to let out steam...

Those who traveled the same road will understand why I posted these pictures. These places hold memories of how many hours I spent thinking, contemplating, calculating, evaluating, the reasons why did I do this? Who forced me to do this? What will I get from doing this? Is it a risk worth taking? Whether you do it here or oversea, these questions will haunt you at some check points in your journey.  You might or might not find the answers but the questions would certainly come knocking at your door. You don't have to be prepared but consider yourself warned. So if you really want to understand the phrase, "Been there, done that" then pack your bags and start the journey...

p/s: These pictures are courtesy from Atun's fb.   Never thought of taking pictures of these places in Manchester University while I was there doing my PhD but upon seeing these, a wave of nostalgic moments came back.  Thanks for bringing back those depressing but certainly cherished moments...

The kite has flown

Wait, it's my turn!!!

That is simply said.  No more words needed. I have flown the kite.  Never truly understand what's the fuss all about but it is indeed liberating.  A simple act of flying the kite... Should have gave in when kids pestered me to fly one before... Now as seen in picture...I hogged the kite. The wonderful feeling inside you when you see it flies...

Awesome view, awesome kite and awesome me!!!

Berontak Intelok

What???? I have not posted anything in March??? How come??  Why? Thought this is the space where I share everything... Or maybe too many things to be shared and I lost track... Well, a bit to share before March 2012 ends.

Kenapa kau perlu timbul berontak* itu
Hanya kerna di muka-muka
Terpalit kata-kata bercela
Bukankah terma yang kau nista itu
Ciptaan palat bangsamu sendiri
Yang meletak kasta sesama manusia
Menongkat darjat
Mendabik pangkat
Jangan di gempur orang lain menggelar
Jika kaummu sendiri redha dan rela
Usah diundang padah berbara
Terimalah itu adat santapan jiwa
Celaan hinaan lumrah dunia
Terus perjuang semangat satu bendera

Zamazias -  Feb 2011 - * This is my reaction over the hu-ha of Intelok.  That's about it. Dig archives for details.  I'm fed-up already.  As this is posted here, another novel by the same author is introduced to replace Intelok for KOMSAS. Ha????

Korbanan Cinta

Korbanan Cinta*

Kalau hati ada cinta,

Tiap saat bersalut bahgia,

Kalau hati ada duka

Tiap saat merawat luka

Cinta itu menduga

Parah bisanya membuta mata

Yang tegar menjadi alpa

Yang segar menjadi lewa

Yang masam bertukar manis

Yang kelam menghilang bayang

Hendak peha diberi betis

Hendak bulan pakejnya bintang

Rajuk ragam dipujuk

Rasa jemu biar dijeruk

Tangis hiba rangkul memeluk

Hilang panas menjemput sejuk

Tapi jika cinta tiada luka

Jerih jenuh rasa manismya

Bila luka ditaut cinta

Hati bak taman berbunga sentiasa

Perlukah cinta menuntut luka...

Perlukah luka menuntut maaf…

Perlukah maaf menuntut sayang…

Perlukah sayang menuntut hak…

Perlukah hak menuntut janji…

Perlukah janji menuntut korban…

Sayangkah kau padaku?

Zamazias -  Nov 2011

*Love for the Almighty is always the Ultimate One - this is written in response to stories of local girls who were somewhat obsessively fascinated with the Lombok guys.  Claiming that they were 'charmed' by Lombok's love potion and followed the guys back to their homeland illegally, I prayed for them to be woken up soon and may God protect my babies from such harm. Amin

How old is old???

Me - 35 years ago (if I still remember to count..ha,ha,ha)

This is the year.  There's no denying it.  Like it or not, it's looming soon.  Can't escape it anymore.  Not that I care (or ade aku kesah!!!) but to finally be in the year where everyone claims life actually starts, I begin to wonder... What kind of new life is starting soon?  Good? Bad? Uphill? Downhill? Positive? Negative?  What kind of signs should I begin looking for? Keep on reading and you might notice the tell-tale signs... :)

Every morning as I trudged my way towards the shower, I'll pass by a stack of vcd's towering neatly beside the player.  A glaring pile I guiltily accumulated over the last 24 months, collecting dusts.  Not counting those tucked away silently in the TV cabinet drawer.  Promised myself that I will serve my duty as an avid movie watcher to de-pile the stack before adding up to it. So one fine day (while nursing a very bad flu), took one title from the pile and let my ailing self succumbed to "Calender Girls". *

*Actually tempted to buy "Black Swan" today but then I remembered this post.  Sighh....

A story of WI's ladies who posed naked (oppss...nude) in a calender spread was indeed an excellent choice to cheer me up (though pictures of these ladies in their birthday suits left a lot to be desired).  On the verge of reaching the big 4 very, very soon, I was made to realize that's not much of the young me left and whether I am ready to brace myself for what the future has in store for me. Cliche', I know.  But somehow this story of bold and over-the-menopause-age giggling women made me start thinking of age as only numbers.

During one teh tarik kurang manis session with a dear ex-student of mine brought dear old me back to my senses.  She reminded me that I have nothing to worry and there's lot to look forward to since (according to her) I don't look like I'm nearing that age (seriously, she has nothing to gain by saying this, ex-student remember!). Come to think of it, in all honesty her words actually confirmed something else.  Maybe I'm not actually worried of getting old. It's more of whether I know how to behave old.  Sounds pathetic, eh?

Well, do consider these scenarios.  Who have guessed that this petite mum chasing after her two hyper-active children is old? Who would have guessed this same lady who is excited (to the point of jumping up and down) to watch Transformers** on the movie screen is old? Who would have guessed this pixie-like woman wearing shredded jeans standing amidst towering 20+ year old students is old?   And who have guessed the cute wife (Did I just say 'cute'?) standing coyly besides her towering yours truly is old? In all seriousness, I truly believe that I do not know how to behave 'old' at all.  Am I to be blamed?

** When I wrote this, this is the in thing pre-2011.  I'm actually jumping to watch Smurfs last year. I know, sad right???

On the other hand, two plastics full of medicines every time I visited the clinic say something else. Or maybe two cabinets brimming with supplements is another sign. Various containers of beauty products on my vanity table are another set of proof.  The amount of noise that I made every time I climb down from bed is indeed pitiful indication. And looking back at the dust collected on top of my vcd pile...argh! How all these tell-tale evidences signaled  the depreciating amount of energy slipping away every day.  By the way, I'm easily 'touched' these days.  Not physically touched.  Emotionally touched.  Especially nearing that time of the month...

So, do we really need to behave 'old'? Or do we rather let our bodies do it for you?  And do tell me, how old is old???

I'm wordless!!

 An ex-student of mine texted me today and I quote:

Salam, hye dr. How r u? :) I just wanna share my experience today... I had a conversation with my students today in their class n they told me that they were inspired when they know my story at the university and how i bcme their lecturer.  So i told them i was inspired by u and i did mentioned to them that the way i approchd them are more less the way u approchd us before.  well i just wanna say thank u for being such a lovely and supportive lecturer and because of u i bcme who i am today, even tho the journey is still very long but u will be my forever inspiration.  Thanks again dr!

And my reply (in a more or less abridged version):

Alhamdulillah. Am equally blessed to have dedicated student like u.  Glad that I have such an impact in your life eventhough am not sure what I did right. I'm not trained to teach.  I'm passionate to teach. Loved what you do and you'll enjoy it more, insya-Allah.

In short, this post is dedicated to all those who have been under my 'wings' before.  Without you, I'm nobody. That's it. I'm wordless (is this similar to speechless???).  Names are purposely left out because you know who you are and the most important thing, I know who you are.

2006/2007 - The inspiring group of Literature students

2007/2008 - The mixed batch (those who loved literature and those who have no other option) :)

2009 - My Sporting Poetry and Drama class

2010 - My Enthusiastic Play Production class 

2011 - My Dedicated Shakespeare's class

2011 - My Naughty Australian and Canadian Lit class (but still love you guys!!)

2011 - My MA student, the forever positively helpful, supportive, and diligent person!

Say Yes To Free Plain Water

 http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/2/8/nation/10696461&sec=nation

The Star reported cafe operators insisted that the price hike for a glass of plain water at their eateries is necessary because it is the 'trend'.  A costly trend for distilled tap water! I paid RM1.20 the other day in a kopitiam in Bangi.  Not that I'm a plain water fanatic, having preferred to have "Teh Ais" with my lunch. Since it is one of the items in my 2012 to do list i.e. to drink at least 3 litres of plain water every single day, I'm obliged to down it, at least during one of the main meals.  Hmmm...managed 2 litres so far and that's a rare record, to be honest. 

With the increased price, I'm inclined to add another 30cents to the RM1.20 and revert to my "Teh Ais".  An indulgement which could be hazardous to my health, of course. Though I still blurred on the operators' rationale for patrons paying RM1 plus for a glass of plain water, Malaysians in general (from my observation) don't seem to mind.  If  they would rather see the earth crumbles by paying 20cents for each plastic bag they used at the groceries than to bring own re-cycled bags from home, I could imagine why they would'nt mind paying for a glass of plain water.  Some even paid for bottled mineral water and left it unfinished on the table, adding another plastic to the already deteriorating environment.  The disastrous effect of a 'trendy' act, I say. So when actually drinking plain water becomes a trend?

The trend while I was growing up was not mineral water or reverse osmosis water or oxyginated water (whatever that is).  I drank tap water while growing up, right after my P.E. class in school. I drank tap water every time I ate the 'extra hot' sambal nasi lemak during recess.  I drank tap water when pocket money was scarce.  I drank tap water while I broke my 'fast' mid day during Ramadhan (Not supposed to share this but I was in training that time.  I guessed I'm pardoned of that innocent sin). Tap water = plain water.  As simple as that.  I am fit as a fiddle, with no history of food poisoning.  Maybe my stomach was used to it or maybe tap water was safer and cleaner. Imagine crystal clear water coming out from the tap.

Why did I say "was safer", "was cleaner"? Judging from the frequency of filter changes for my kitchen taps,  I'm not confident to have it straight.  I meant, the water.  A few layers of filters still do not put my mind at ease, I boiled my water.  Leave it to cool, store in BPA-free bottle and keep it with me throughout the day...well, most of the days...hmmm...only if I feel like doing it, which is quite seldom lately. Oh, what the...!!! I paid for my plain water and I am proud to admit it! It's a trend and I love being 'trendy'. So, do you want to say yes to free plain water?

Air yang tenang, jangan sangka tiada buaya = Still waters run deep (Or is it 'stilled' water?)

I am now a blogger. Hurrayyyy!!!!

I do love to write. In fact, I did attempt to write while in primary school.  Those who have heard of the "Malaysian Post" might come across my name (though not always), the budding poet at that time.  Scribbling bittersweet jests about my friends and life. Then I stopped. I didn't know why but I stopped. Maybe I ran out of ideas or maybe I just felt I have to stop.  Life during secondary school was hectic and I loved to use that as an excuse but I couldn't.  Of course, my energy was chanelled towards different 'artistic' activities (acting,singing, debating, reciting poems, etc etc) but I wrote no more.

Then I joined local college pursuing everybody's dream (I was offered accountancy program). I  dreaded the experience, trapped in the land of everyone's ambitious choice and not mine. Until I got this jolting wake-up call. In one of my English class presentations, instead of relaying on the 'how to do/make/cook/sew something, something" episode, I recited a poem, called "The Tree".  I couldn't recall the author but then and there I realised juggling numbers for a career is not my forte. I want to lead an amazing life, doing something I always love. I started writing again. I wrote another poem and entered it in a competition during English Language week in college. "Life as a UNI student" won a place (second or third, if I remembered correctly) and I was estatic.  Again, the urge to write was short-lived though my passion for theatre was ultimately heightened.  I did write, for class assignment most of the time, occassionally doing it as favors for friends (and always when I am bored with class lecture) since I changed my degree to English Literature - a change mostly dedicated to my fascination with theatre.

The period where I really write, and I mean seriously writing was while I was doing my PhD (2002-2005). My poems ranged from sarcatic views, humorous criticisms and pitiful lamentations, posted in the community webpage. Sadly I did not even thought of compiling all these. Seriously, I posted the only copy in the webpage and that's it. Friends in the community enjoyed reading these and would tease my Yours Truly (since he often becomes the subject of my 'creative' endevour). I wrote in both English and Malay, well depending on how sarcastic I wished to be at the point of writing.

Hmm... might not be a suitable picture for this post but it does hint at my passion. Well, he's a writer too by the way

Facebook phase fuelled my thirst to write.  Reading interesting postings by family members, friends, students triggered my long-lost love. I did ramble quite a bit in there but felt the space is too wide for me to be personal sometimes.  Don't want to hurt anyone's feeling but sometimes compelled to do so. You meant something else but friends interpreted differently.  The list goes on... So here I am!!!

Well, true to my word, I do love to write. My first posting as a blogger is the proof.  I can go on but I won't bore you, yet... So, let's see how far I would go in my journey as a blogger. Would this experience put me off again? Or would it motivate me to go on? It took me a while to reach here. At least, the very least, I am now a BLOGGER. Hurrraayyy!!!One more item off my 2012 to do list...