Korbanan Cinta

Korbanan Cinta*

Kalau hati ada cinta,

Tiap saat bersalut bahgia,

Kalau hati ada duka

Tiap saat merawat luka

Cinta itu menduga

Parah bisanya membuta mata

Yang tegar menjadi alpa

Yang segar menjadi lewa

Yang masam bertukar manis

Yang kelam menghilang bayang

Hendak peha diberi betis

Hendak bulan pakejnya bintang

Rajuk ragam dipujuk

Rasa jemu biar dijeruk

Tangis hiba rangkul memeluk

Hilang panas menjemput sejuk

Tapi jika cinta tiada luka

Jerih jenuh rasa manismya

Bila luka ditaut cinta

Hati bak taman berbunga sentiasa

Perlukah cinta menuntut luka...

Perlukah luka menuntut maaf…

Perlukah maaf menuntut sayang…

Perlukah sayang menuntut hak…

Perlukah hak menuntut janji…

Perlukah janji menuntut korban…

Sayangkah kau padaku?

Zamazias -  Nov 2011

*Love for the Almighty is always the Ultimate One - this is written in response to stories of local girls who were somewhat obsessively fascinated with the Lombok guys.  Claiming that they were 'charmed' by Lombok's love potion and followed the guys back to their homeland illegally, I prayed for them to be woken up soon and may God protect my babies from such harm. Amin

How old is old???

Me - 35 years ago (if I still remember to count..ha,ha,ha)

This is the year.  There's no denying it.  Like it or not, it's looming soon.  Can't escape it anymore.  Not that I care (or ade aku kesah!!!) but to finally be in the year where everyone claims life actually starts, I begin to wonder... What kind of new life is starting soon?  Good? Bad? Uphill? Downhill? Positive? Negative?  What kind of signs should I begin looking for? Keep on reading and you might notice the tell-tale signs... :)

Every morning as I trudged my way towards the shower, I'll pass by a stack of vcd's towering neatly beside the player.  A glaring pile I guiltily accumulated over the last 24 months, collecting dusts.  Not counting those tucked away silently in the TV cabinet drawer.  Promised myself that I will serve my duty as an avid movie watcher to de-pile the stack before adding up to it. So one fine day (while nursing a very bad flu), took one title from the pile and let my ailing self succumbed to "Calender Girls". *

*Actually tempted to buy "Black Swan" today but then I remembered this post.  Sighh....

A story of WI's ladies who posed naked (oppss...nude) in a calender spread was indeed an excellent choice to cheer me up (though pictures of these ladies in their birthday suits left a lot to be desired).  On the verge of reaching the big 4 very, very soon, I was made to realize that's not much of the young me left and whether I am ready to brace myself for what the future has in store for me. Cliche', I know.  But somehow this story of bold and over-the-menopause-age giggling women made me start thinking of age as only numbers.

During one teh tarik kurang manis session with a dear ex-student of mine brought dear old me back to my senses.  She reminded me that I have nothing to worry and there's lot to look forward to since (according to her) I don't look like I'm nearing that age (seriously, she has nothing to gain by saying this, ex-student remember!). Come to think of it, in all honesty her words actually confirmed something else.  Maybe I'm not actually worried of getting old. It's more of whether I know how to behave old.  Sounds pathetic, eh?

Well, do consider these scenarios.  Who have guessed that this petite mum chasing after her two hyper-active children is old? Who would have guessed this same lady who is excited (to the point of jumping up and down) to watch Transformers** on the movie screen is old? Who would have guessed this pixie-like woman wearing shredded jeans standing amidst towering 20+ year old students is old?   And who have guessed the cute wife (Did I just say 'cute'?) standing coyly besides her towering yours truly is old? In all seriousness, I truly believe that I do not know how to behave 'old' at all.  Am I to be blamed?

** When I wrote this, this is the in thing pre-2011.  I'm actually jumping to watch Smurfs last year. I know, sad right???

On the other hand, two plastics full of medicines every time I visited the clinic say something else. Or maybe two cabinets brimming with supplements is another sign. Various containers of beauty products on my vanity table are another set of proof.  The amount of noise that I made every time I climb down from bed is indeed pitiful indication. And looking back at the dust collected on top of my vcd pile...argh! How all these tell-tale evidences signaled  the depreciating amount of energy slipping away every day.  By the way, I'm easily 'touched' these days.  Not physically touched.  Emotionally touched.  Especially nearing that time of the month...

So, do we really need to behave 'old'? Or do we rather let our bodies do it for you?  And do tell me, how old is old???

I'm wordless!!

 An ex-student of mine texted me today and I quote:

Salam, hye dr. How r u? :) I just wanna share my experience today... I had a conversation with my students today in their class n they told me that they were inspired when they know my story at the university and how i bcme their lecturer.  So i told them i was inspired by u and i did mentioned to them that the way i approchd them are more less the way u approchd us before.  well i just wanna say thank u for being such a lovely and supportive lecturer and because of u i bcme who i am today, even tho the journey is still very long but u will be my forever inspiration.  Thanks again dr!

And my reply (in a more or less abridged version):

Alhamdulillah. Am equally blessed to have dedicated student like u.  Glad that I have such an impact in your life eventhough am not sure what I did right. I'm not trained to teach.  I'm passionate to teach. Loved what you do and you'll enjoy it more, insya-Allah.

In short, this post is dedicated to all those who have been under my 'wings' before.  Without you, I'm nobody. That's it. I'm wordless (is this similar to speechless???).  Names are purposely left out because you know who you are and the most important thing, I know who you are.

2006/2007 - The inspiring group of Literature students

2007/2008 - The mixed batch (those who loved literature and those who have no other option) :)

2009 - My Sporting Poetry and Drama class

2010 - My Enthusiastic Play Production class 

2011 - My Dedicated Shakespeare's class

2011 - My Naughty Australian and Canadian Lit class (but still love you guys!!)

2011 - My MA student, the forever positively helpful, supportive, and diligent person!

Say Yes To Free Plain Water

 http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/2/8/nation/10696461&sec=nation

The Star reported cafe operators insisted that the price hike for a glass of plain water at their eateries is necessary because it is the 'trend'.  A costly trend for distilled tap water! I paid RM1.20 the other day in a kopitiam in Bangi.  Not that I'm a plain water fanatic, having preferred to have "Teh Ais" with my lunch. Since it is one of the items in my 2012 to do list i.e. to drink at least 3 litres of plain water every single day, I'm obliged to down it, at least during one of the main meals.  Hmmm...managed 2 litres so far and that's a rare record, to be honest. 

With the increased price, I'm inclined to add another 30cents to the RM1.20 and revert to my "Teh Ais".  An indulgement which could be hazardous to my health, of course. Though I still blurred on the operators' rationale for patrons paying RM1 plus for a glass of plain water, Malaysians in general (from my observation) don't seem to mind.  If  they would rather see the earth crumbles by paying 20cents for each plastic bag they used at the groceries than to bring own re-cycled bags from home, I could imagine why they would'nt mind paying for a glass of plain water.  Some even paid for bottled mineral water and left it unfinished on the table, adding another plastic to the already deteriorating environment.  The disastrous effect of a 'trendy' act, I say. So when actually drinking plain water becomes a trend?

The trend while I was growing up was not mineral water or reverse osmosis water or oxyginated water (whatever that is).  I drank tap water while growing up, right after my P.E. class in school. I drank tap water every time I ate the 'extra hot' sambal nasi lemak during recess.  I drank tap water when pocket money was scarce.  I drank tap water while I broke my 'fast' mid day during Ramadhan (Not supposed to share this but I was in training that time.  I guessed I'm pardoned of that innocent sin). Tap water = plain water.  As simple as that.  I am fit as a fiddle, with no history of food poisoning.  Maybe my stomach was used to it or maybe tap water was safer and cleaner. Imagine crystal clear water coming out from the tap.

Why did I say "was safer", "was cleaner"? Judging from the frequency of filter changes for my kitchen taps,  I'm not confident to have it straight.  I meant, the water.  A few layers of filters still do not put my mind at ease, I boiled my water.  Leave it to cool, store in BPA-free bottle and keep it with me throughout the day...well, most of the days...hmmm...only if I feel like doing it, which is quite seldom lately. Oh, what the...!!! I paid for my plain water and I am proud to admit it! It's a trend and I love being 'trendy'. So, do you want to say yes to free plain water?

Air yang tenang, jangan sangka tiada buaya = Still waters run deep (Or is it 'stilled' water?)

I am now a blogger. Hurrayyyy!!!!

I do love to write. In fact, I did attempt to write while in primary school.  Those who have heard of the "Malaysian Post" might come across my name (though not always), the budding poet at that time.  Scribbling bittersweet jests about my friends and life. Then I stopped. I didn't know why but I stopped. Maybe I ran out of ideas or maybe I just felt I have to stop.  Life during secondary school was hectic and I loved to use that as an excuse but I couldn't.  Of course, my energy was chanelled towards different 'artistic' activities (acting,singing, debating, reciting poems, etc etc) but I wrote no more.

Then I joined local college pursuing everybody's dream (I was offered accountancy program). I  dreaded the experience, trapped in the land of everyone's ambitious choice and not mine. Until I got this jolting wake-up call. In one of my English class presentations, instead of relaying on the 'how to do/make/cook/sew something, something" episode, I recited a poem, called "The Tree".  I couldn't recall the author but then and there I realised juggling numbers for a career is not my forte. I want to lead an amazing life, doing something I always love. I started writing again. I wrote another poem and entered it in a competition during English Language week in college. "Life as a UNI student" won a place (second or third, if I remembered correctly) and I was estatic.  Again, the urge to write was short-lived though my passion for theatre was ultimately heightened.  I did write, for class assignment most of the time, occassionally doing it as favors for friends (and always when I am bored with class lecture) since I changed my degree to English Literature - a change mostly dedicated to my fascination with theatre.

The period where I really write, and I mean seriously writing was while I was doing my PhD (2002-2005). My poems ranged from sarcatic views, humorous criticisms and pitiful lamentations, posted in the community webpage. Sadly I did not even thought of compiling all these. Seriously, I posted the only copy in the webpage and that's it. Friends in the community enjoyed reading these and would tease my Yours Truly (since he often becomes the subject of my 'creative' endevour). I wrote in both English and Malay, well depending on how sarcastic I wished to be at the point of writing.

Hmm... might not be a suitable picture for this post but it does hint at my passion. Well, he's a writer too by the way

Facebook phase fuelled my thirst to write.  Reading interesting postings by family members, friends, students triggered my long-lost love. I did ramble quite a bit in there but felt the space is too wide for me to be personal sometimes.  Don't want to hurt anyone's feeling but sometimes compelled to do so. You meant something else but friends interpreted differently.  The list goes on... So here I am!!!

Well, true to my word, I do love to write. My first posting as a blogger is the proof.  I can go on but I won't bore you, yet... So, let's see how far I would go in my journey as a blogger. Would this experience put me off again? Or would it motivate me to go on? It took me a while to reach here. At least, the very least, I am now a BLOGGER. Hurrraayyy!!!One more item off my 2012 to do list...